It’s not often that I’m at a loss for (written) words, but…

…I am today. So I thought I would, instead, allow the following images to display my pride, joy, and hopefulness — feelings that I know are generously enacting upon the vast majority of Americans (and the world) on this lovely and historic post-election day.

First image: Lisa Congdon

Second: Keri Smith

Third: My personal photo album. Kidding. Babble.com

Word.

Sarah Palin loves Johnny Hallyday. Duh.

f you haven’t already heard about this and/or haven’t actually heard the phone call, you seriously need to click “PLAY” on the video player below. Trust me. You won’t regret it. Especially if you enjoy pranks on Sarah Palin. Particularly, pranks that involve a Québecois comedy duo pretending to be French President Nicolas Sarkozy…and SP totally falling for it…for, like, more than five minutes.

I hope you enjoy this little tidbit of pre-election humor. Uh, at the Republicans’ expense. Hee hee.

The election is coming…maybe I should suspend my blog.

eah, right.

But here are some funny/inspiring images regarding the election-in-less-than-a-week (!!!) that I just can’t seem to get enough of. And I just ended a sentence with a preposition. Cr@p. See what this election is doing to me?!?

 

UnitedChange, by Shawn Hazen

Rock the Vote, by Shepard Fairey

http://www.yeehawindustries.com

YesWeCarve.com (hee hee)

5 things that make me go “Hmm” (today)

1. The term “professorial” as applied to Obama’s tone during rallies and debates… and meant in a negative way. Somewhere along the way, my academic advisers failed to mention that, as professors, we would be viewed in the national media (via Republiconeheads) as the anti-Christ. F*ck. Does this mean I’m going to get a bad rating on RateMyProfessors.com? Are the sitemasters going to change the domain name to RateMyAnti-Christ.com? Instead of doling out an oh-so-scientific chili pepper to rate our hotness, they can rate our satanicness (?) via crucifixes or something.

Good Lord. 

2. How come it’s “conservatism” and not “conservativism”? In French it makes sense to me, because the (masculine) adjective for conservative is “conservateur” — there’s no second “v.” But in English, we use the adjective “conservative,” so… why not “conservativism”? I just don’t get it. Any linguists/more intelligent people than I who wouldn’t mind enlightening me, please?

3. A handful of my students expressed in their response papers (due last Friday) to Goethe’s Sorrows of Young Werther that they felt Werther was “too self-centered” and “whiny.” Interesting. Some students went so far as to question, “Why can’t he just suck it up and get over it?” Lovely. I reminded them that the course title is not “Emotionally Stable Poets Who Can Successfully Suck It Up,” but rather, “The Tortured (suicidal) Poet.” Like, hello?! Welcome to my course. Take off your coat and get comfortable.

Please don’t get me wrong: I love my students, particularly their randomness. Example: when asked for an adjective that might best describe one of Werther’s secondary characters, one outspoken student couldn’t help herself and belted out: “TOOL!!!” Classic.

But, despite the fact that “tool” is neither an appropriate descriptor of this character, nor is it an adjective (Example: “Dude, you are sooooo tool“?? Umm, I don’t think so. Now, if she had said “toolish,” OK. WHOLE different story.), it still totally made my freakin’ day. What more could a professorial professor want?

4.  My canine niece Lucy (a Boston Terrier who just so happens to be the cutest doggy ever — I am not at all biased) currently wears a cone around her head. Basically, she’s a lampshade with a tail. A very SMALL tail. I prefer to call it her “Elizabethan Collar,” but I’m not sure it decreases the pathetic nature of the whole thing. You can put lipstick on a pig, but… Oh sh*t.

5. I went to therapy today, and I basically spent 25 of my 50 minutes (but who’s counting) talking B.S. while what I was actually focusing on was this crazy-@ss flowering plant that sat on her windowside table. This mo-fo had a flaming red vertical “flower” that stretched — I sh*t you not — like, a foot in the air. I couldn’t figure out what was going on with it… Finally, at the end of my session, Therapist said her standard, “Well, we’re out of time for today,” to which I unnecessarily responded, “OKisthataFLOWERcomingoutofthatthing?!?” She proceeded to laugh and then told me the name of the plant, which I can no longer remember because I was too fascinated by this fiery phallic beast that seemed way too ironic in a psychotherapist’s office. Then again, maybe that was the point: see how fixated the patients become by the Phallus in the room. Tricky tricky Therapist!

OK, I think I’m done “hmm”ing.

This has been another Monday List inspired by Ms. Anna of abdpbt.com.

Inappropriate Baby Attire, version 2.0

ore freaky-deaky clothing that appears to be created more for certain adults’ sick sense of humor than for innocent, little baby minds that can’t even pronounce the word “gross” and voice their discontent. I mean, yes, OK, I’ll admit: a couple of the onesie designs I’m about to show you did make me chuckle a bit; however, that’s precisely the point: they’re intended for adults. Wait — did I just call myself an “adult”?! That’s a gross exaggeration in itself. But anyway, my point is that we shouldn’t use our kids as our own humoristic-verging-on-sick-and-perverted marketing ploys.

So then, allow me to introduce my second inaugural

INAPPROPRIATE BABY ATTIRE 

pog, this time courtesy of TShirtHell.com:

Decent Arab. Oxymoron?

t’s been all over the news already and referenced by political analysts and late night talk show hosts alike: at a recent campaign rally for the Republican Presidential nominee, a white-haired McPalinist woman by the name of Gayle Quinnell proclaimed, “He’s an Arab,” in reference to Democratic Presidential nominee, Barack Obama. McCain swiftly stole back the microphone and corrected Quinnell in an unmistakably flustered (and stuttered) fashion:“No, ma’am,” McCain stated. “He’s a decent family man –citizen– that I just happen to have disagreements with on fundamental issues. And that’s what this campaign is all about. He’s not. Thank you.” (You can watch the video of the exchange HERE)

Now, that’s all well and good, and there’s little doubt that McMuppet really did possess genuine, good intentions and truly does consider Obama a “decent family man –citizen,” but… umm… well… I suppose I just wasn’t aware that being a “decent family man –citizen” and being an Arab were mutually exclusive? I guess I’m just ill-informed.

But you know what else I found out, from one of my very dearest, most cherished friends, who just so happens to be an Arab? He was ill-informed, too!!!! He didn’t know that “decent Arab” was an oxymoron! We’re so naive and sheltered. I guess we’ve been studying at the wrong university. And I guess my friend grew up in a pseudo-Arab culture or something. Sucks to be us. I wonder if Gayle Quinnell offers online courses in cultural awareness? I’ll have to look into it.

Anyway, it’s just completely frustrating and infuriating to witness such a blatant lack of regard for any individual (let alone an entire ethnic group) that does not subscribe to the stereotypically WASPy notions of “decency.” 

Fortunately, we have CNN journalist Campbell Brown (host of CNN’s “Campbell Brown: Election Center”), who did not shrink back from addressing the ignorance (and racism) and the hatred fueled by such careless comments as the one uttered by McCain at his rally, nor did she mince words when acknowledging the media’s guilt as well. Brown states:

Now, I commend Sen. McCain for correcting that woman, for setting the record straight. But I do have one question — so what if he was? So what if Obama was Arab or Muslim? So what if John McCain was Arab or Muslim? Would it matter?

When did that become a disqualifier for higher office in our country? When did Arab and Muslim become dirty words? The equivalent of dishonorable or radical? Whenever this gets raised, the implication is that there is something wrong with being an Arab-American or a Muslim. And the media is complicit here, too. 

We’ve all been too quick to accept the idea that calling someone Muslim is a slur.

I feel like I am stating the obvious here, but apparently it needs to be said: There is a difference between radical Muslims who support jihad against America and Muslims who want to practice their religion freely and have normal lives like anyone else. 

We can’t tolerate this ignorance — not in the media, not on the campaign trail.

Of course, he’s not an Arab. Of course, he’s not a Muslim. But honestly, it shouldn’t matter. (Source: CNN.com)

Saturday Acronym, Palin-inspired

News headlines in acronym format, inspired by Governor Palin’s VP Debate performance:

 

upport group to be formed for six-pack efficianados NOT named Joe. Say it ain’t so!

 

 

 

laska to adopt pitbull as state bird.

 

 

 

rig Palin absent from campaign photo ops since this afternoon. DSS alerted.

 

 

 

ltra Last Red Blood-Drawn-From-A-Pitbull Long-Wearing Lipstick now available from N.Y.C. Cosmetics.

 

 

eading un-banned Dostoyevski or Nabokov now counts as foreign policy experience.

 

 

 

rop the “g” on “-ing” words, earn a tax break.

 

 

nswer all questions with either “special needs,” “maverick,” “special needs,” “yer darn right,” “special needs,” “God’s will,” “special needs,” “ole boys’ network,” “special needs,” or “nuke-yuh-lerr,” earn a new huntin’ rifle. 

 

 

 

ell at pregnant rape victims to choose life, earn a wink.

Debatin’ (drink) with Sarah Palin (drink)!

f I were a drinkin’ girl and didn’t have a cr@pload of gradin’ to do tonight, I’d enforce a drinkin’ game for the VP Debate that involves takin’ a drink every time Sarah Palin disses the “g” on words endin’ in the “-ing” suffix.

Example: “Ya know, Joe, I’m beginnin’ (drink) to think you’re right about me missin’ (drink) some brain cells and havin’ (drink) a few screws loose, ’cause I can’t even tell ya one single book or magazine I’ve read since bein’ (drink) so blessed and privileged to’ve been elected mayor of the great town ‘a Wasilla, Alaska.”

Gun-totin' (drink) Palin (drink)!

If you wanna (drink) get REALLY crazy, you could take a drink every time she says “ya” or shortens any word into a slacked-off version of its correct usage. An’ (drink) if ya (drink) wanna (drink) go ahead ‘n (drink) try that game, the above quote would be lookin’ (drink) somethin’ (drink) like this:

Example: ”Ya (drink) know, Joe, I’m beginnin’ (drink) to think you’re right about me missin’ (drink) some brain cells and havin’ (drink) a few screws loose, ’cause (drink) I can’t even tell ya (drink) one single book or magazine I’ve read since bein’ (drink) so blessed and privileged to’ve (drink) been elected mayor of the great town ‘a (drink) Wasilla, Alaska.”

Ya (drink) know what? I’m actually beginnin’ (drink) to have doubts that her last name is really “Palin.” For all we know, it’s really PALING, and she’s just bein’ (drink) lazy.

How Epcot may save Sarah Palin…

s the stocks rumble and tumble and stumble and Bryant Gumbel (?!), I figured everyone could use a little pick-me-up. Or should I say a pick-YOU-up? Oh, whatever.

In any case, it is my sincere hope that some of you find the following at least a little chuckle-worthy. Consider it my 2008 Stock Market Crash Gift, especially for you. I know I know, you don’t have to tell me how kind and generous I am.

So, here’s the scoop: the one Onion that doesn’t cause me indigestion exclusively reports that Republican Vice Presidential candidate, Sarah Palin, is turning to Walt Disney World’s Epcot Center for comprehensive foreign policy cramming before the big Vice Presidential Debate on Thursday night. Word on the street is that she and her cronies plan to bribe Joe Biden and their debate audience with small toys from the Japan Pavilion’s ”The Kitahara Collection of Tin-Toys.” We’re onto you, S-Pay.

Palin Brushing Up On Foreign Policy At Epcot
SEPTEMBER 29, 2008

ORLANDO, FL—Republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin sought to silence those who have criticized her lack of foreign affairs experience Tuesday by announcing plans for a weeklong, 10-nation tour of Walt Disney World’s Epcot. According to Palin, the trip—her first past Frontierland—will include speaking engagements at Norway’s famous Viking ride, sausages at Germany’s Kaufhaus, and, time permitting, a fact-finding mission to Future World. “This ambitious trip should finally demonstrate that I am ready to assume the vice presidency, whether by standing in long lines at Morocco’s Tangierine Café or by sitting down face-to-face with Mexico’s Three Caballeros,” Palin announced during a campaign stop outside a Chinese restaurant in Tulsa, OK. “All of our neighbors deserve good diplomacy, from the Universe of Energy down to the French pavilion.” Palin also promised a visit to the American Adventure exhibit before returning home, adding that she hoped to learn more about her own nation and the diverse peoples within. (Source: THE ONION.COM)