Top 5 reasons for why my frontal lobe hates me

y Monday list centers on the headache that throbs right through my skull. I’m pretty sure that, were you to stand in front of me from one foot away or less, my current headache would knock you senseless. It’s throbbing that hard. I swear. It’s like my brain-womb is pregnant with some horrific wildebeest that can’t or won’t stop rampaging around my frontal lobe, kicking me into submission. 

You could say it hurts.

There are plenty of reasons for why my head despises me right now. Good ‘n plenty. It’s quite brutal to whittle down my list of potential causes to just 5 things, actually, but…hey, I’ll do my best.

Top 5 reasons for why my frontal lobe hates me:

 5. Certain members of my family prefer to play “She said/She said” and act like infants rather than speak directly to one another. What a novel concept that would be. ps) instead of directly speaking to one another, they choose to call me and vent and ask why so-and-so said X, and why so-and-so did Y. Why must people involve me in their crap? LEAVE ME ALONE.

4. Apparently I’m not a good listener (see #5).

3. No matter how many times I tell my students to focus on the texts we have studied ALL FLIPPIN’ SEMESTER rather than the biographies of the authors, they continue to construct (pseudo-)arguments about experiences from writers’ lives. WHY WON’T THEY LISTEN TO ME?

2. Apparently I don’t know how to sink in to others’ brains (see #3)… only my own (and way too much).

1. I have a brain tumor. Or Ebola. Or both.

Happy Monday.

Sincerely,
Debbie Downer
xoxo